What happens when you creep a Facebook wall

I was conducting my usual early afternoon Facebook check in that has become part of my "new" normal routine.  I have a friend who works for the Navy that is stationed in Japan. I love seeing her pictures and living vicariously through her as she explores the world in the Navy.  So, I was "creepin" her Facebook wall and checking out her photos when I came across her post from June 6th (which was probably June 5th in US time but I don't really know...) REGARDLESS-- it was on or near the day of my surgery.  And without her permission I am re-posting it here because I don't think she would mind: 

 

"Just learned a good friend of mine is undergoing a double mastectomy today. She's out of surgery, and doing well. Her strength and courage at her age for doing this humbles and motivates me in a way I hope to tell her when I get back to the States. Much prayer and love going out to you from across the ocean!!"

 

Tears came running down my face as I was not expecting to see a post about me on her wall.  She didn't tag me in it so I had no idea that she had even written it! And while I loved the post, I think the tears were coming from the fact that I keep hearing the words: BRAVE, STRENGTH, INSPIRATION, STRONG, MOTIVATING and I don't feel like I am any of those things on a daily basis right now!  I feel like a wimp (I still need assistance out of bed), helpless (I can't reach for most things above shoulder level right now), and whiny. I mean goodness-- I'M WHINING NOW! AH! I feel like I am in complete survival mode from the time I wake up to the time that I go to bed-- and at 3 AM when my bladder wakes me up every night :) I mean my "mens-wear inspired wardrobe" consists of 2 outfits that I rotate daily.  You will either catch me in Duane's gray button down shirt with black sweat pant capris or blue button down shirt with gray sweat pant capris. LONG GONE are the days of my cute CAbi wardrobe :( I know... it sounds pathetic... LOL!

 

If I am truly "brave", "strong", or an "inspiration" it is not me but the Lord shining through me.  I stumble upon a bible verse everyday that helps me get through. Sometimes a friend has posted it, sometimes it is through a facebook page I "like", a get well card, etc.  Like this one that a friend posted that got me through pain the morning after my expansion- "For I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds, says the LORD." Jeremiah 30:17a. Or this one that YouVersion posted from Isaiah 26:4- "Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock."

 

I am sure in a month I will be at a point where everyday I will see big leaps and bounds of progress but for now the truth is-- everyday is a struggle, everyday is painful, and everyday I use my smile to cover it all up. And I know this is a process-- boy do I hate that word now-- but it is true.

 

**By the way Camille, I think YOU are brave, strong, and inspirational for the work you do everyday for our country :) Thank you!**