Hard to Believe It Has Been a YEAR!

Last Thursday I had my one year follow up with my high-risk cancer doctor at MD Anderson. It was such a stress free visit with many worries now laid to rest since my surgeries. It was an interesting appointment in that while I was sitting and waiting to be seen I was able to reflect upon the last year and the last time that I visited with her. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT HAS BEEN A YEAR!

I am one of those personalities where once an event has passed (especially a major event) I have trouble remembering what life was like before the event.  For instance, I really have a hard time remembering life before my kids. To be honest I have a hard time remembering parts of last week so maybe I just have a bad memory :) But I know moms will relate that have had friends that said, "Just give it 6 months and you will forget the pain of child birth and want to have another one..." And it is true-- time goes by and you forget. So, I have a hard time remembering what life was like before I was physically "altered"! Work with me here on the cryptic speak because I am trying to make everyone comfortable as they read this :)  I am mean you would think having lived a certain way for 28 years that I would remember vividly and almost lament about life before surgery.  It is such a God thing in my opinion!  I thank God everyday that He has erased those memories and made me very content with the way everything has turned out.  Would I do it again? ABSOLUTELY!

The appointment was very positive and very quick!  She still did a "breast exam" and encouraged me to do the same thing as if I was natural because remember I still have that tiny little 1% floating around out there. But generally our conversation was very short and sweet and she was so happy that I was doing so well.

After my appointment I reported for one of the research studies that I am a part of at MD Anderson. That is one of the coolest parts of being treated at MD Anderson is that it is a research hospital.  I believe I am enrolled in 4 or 5 research studies currently.  Some are simple surveys taken online and some are blood draws, but this one was pictures.  I am in a study for the plastic surgery side of things to develop a program where patients undergoing mastectomies and reconstruction can view their bodies at the different stages of the reconstructive journey. The doctors want to be able to upload the patient's photo and walk them through what changes their body will go through and how they might look post-surgery.  I was so excited to be a part of this program and I can see the real value that it can have especially as more women are electing to have this surgery done after genetic testing reveals the BRCA gene.  Snap away I told them :)

Of course, I can't reflect on a year post-surgery without saying THANK YOU once again to the many friends and family that helped along this journey. Thank you for the meals, childcare help, emails, facebook posts, smiles, hugs, and visits!  It was all so helpful and my family felt very blessed by your love. I have the best friends and family in the whole world :)

Leadership is Influence

"Leadership is influence" - John Maxwell

On Sunday we took all of our graduating high school seniors and upper management out for a celebratory dinner.  This has become a 4 year tradition and we always look forward to it.  Every year has been special in its own way-- just different! This year was our biggest group by far. We had 17 graduating seniors and surprisingly 15 of them were able to attend the dinner.  So reservations for 20 were made :)

We recognize that "dinner with the boss" can seem lame and maybe even uncomfortable so we try to make this a "nice, laid back, get to know you" type dinner. We chatted among our little groups, they announced their school accomplishments, colleges they will be attending, etc.  It was so neat to learn about our very accomplished employees. 

Towards the end of dinner a few employees wanted to make speeches. This was a new twist to what has occurred at previous dinners.  Honestly we were a little nervous about what they might say-- did they like working for us? Are they so glad to be leaving? You just never know what a 17 year old might say! By the end of the few speeches there was hardly a dry eye and if you weren't crying you wanted to! It was one of those situations where I had to sit back and really think about what was occurring.  The girls who stood up and made speeches were letting it be known how much they felt like a family, how much they enjoyed their first job experience, and how much they enjoyed working with many of our managers.  That's when it hit me that this is what INFLUENCE looks like! Leadership is influence.

They were not saying that Duane and Erica taught me this and Duane and Erica taught me that-- although we did do some of that. They were talking about what our managers had sowed into them. We taught our managers and our managers taught them.  We influenced and "grew" our managers and gave them the platform and opportunity to help their peers.  One particular manager that many of them complimented is only 20 years old.  She has made a huge impact in so many young girls lives and she is still so young!  Imagine how many she will influence by the time she graduates from college! 

I don't mean to break my arm to patting ourselves on the back but it felt awesome to know that we have created a culture within our little restaurant where our leadership is influencing and being empowered to make others better.  It felt great to know that for those employees that are leaving for college and moving on feel that being a part of our Chick-fil-A family has been a valuable experience and they will take the skills they learned and go concur the world! 

It makes all the long hours, stress, and worry SO worth it! 

I love our jobs!

Finding Comfort in a Prayer

I loved this prayer I read today: "Dear Lord, open my eyes to what You are doing in the middle of circumstances that are outside of my plans. Help me to keep my eyes on You and Your power over all things. In Jesus' Name, Amen".

So why do I feel the need to worry or get bummed when things don't go my way or meet my expectations?  I mean my way is the right way... right? Wrong! Why do I find it so hard to leave it all in the hands of the one who created my plan, your plan, and the plans of the whole world?  In the words of my sweet 2-year old, "Silly, silly mommy!"-- He has power over EVERYTHING! Seems so easy to say yet so hard to do sometimes!

I keep zeroing in on the phrase, "... what you are doing in the middle of circumstances..."  That one phrase gives me an incredible amount of peace and a great reminder. God is the one person that we want to be right in the middle of our business! And while everything feels like it is spinning out of control, especially with the holiday season upon us, to know that God is the one who is juggling all the balls in the air brings comfort.

So here's hoping that I can focusing my thoughts upward as Christmas approaches instead of stressfully focus downward at my "to-do" list that will not cause the world to stop spinning if they are not completed :)

Parenting

A very sweet, young, and newly-married friend posted something on Facebook today that made me think about several things.  Her status said, "This will probably offend people, but when did an iPad become the new babysitter?? Seriously irks me..."  I was not at all offended by her post but it did make me realize something about parenting that I have learned over the years-- Parenting is a HUMBLING experience!

Once upon a time I was an idealistic young bride...

(Prior to marriage Duane and I had talked about EVERYTHING in regards to raising our future kids. We talked about public vs private schooling, discipline, parenting styles, discipline, traditions we want/don't want to continue, girls vs boys, importance of God and church, and oh yeah... did I mention discipline!  We had a plan, a focus, we were going to be rockstars at this whole parenting thing! We were avid people watchers and vowed not to make the "same mistakes" that other people make...)

So the story continues and we became parents and things went well until Emma was about 18 months and suddenly developed her own sense of self, independence, and stubbornness!  We would go out to eat and all Duane and I wanted after a long day of child-rearing and work was to discuss our day and have a small "husband/wife" conversation.  We realized that day (and the many that followed) the impossibleness of that statement! I learned very quickly that dinner convo would roll something like this: "Today I... Stop Emma, chew your bread, good girl... um... (regain my thought process)... Today I.... Emma don't grab the drink sweetie, no, no... (look back at Duane) Today I was cleaning out the closet and... (Emma begins to fuss and whine because she is hungry so I begin to dig through the diaper bag for the snacks or a toy and try to finish my sentence) So I was cleaning out the closet and... and... and (at this point Duane is trying to keep Emma from climbing out of her highchair as she says dada, dada, dada and throwing her toys on the floor)... and what was I saying Duane?!?! AAAHHH! Chaos!  

So, what happens next?!?! I am about to chew crud and lots of it because I am about to become what I swore I would never become-- one of "those" parents, one of "those" people-- out comes the smart phone and it is quickly shoved in front of Emma to occupy her in hopes that Duane and I can at least get through one sentence and just scrape the surface of what our respective days looked like-- forget deep, thought-provoking, meaningful conversation!  And it works for about 5 minutes. I mean after all Emma is only 18 months and her 18 month old attention span kicks in and we are back to a dinner circus of keeping her entertained, attempting to connect as a husband and a wife, oh and eat at least a lukewarm meal (ya with me moms)!

So, dinner is just one example. Over my journey as a mom I have said things and done things that I swore I would never do and I have said and done things just like my mom did-- GASP! And more than a dozen times I have been brought to my knees realizing that this whole "parenting" thing is HARD!  I don't have it all figured out and regardless of how much we have talked about parenting and read books about parenting at the end of the day here is some truth: God gave 2 beautiful children to 2 completely imperfect people who He never expected to be perfect parents; however, He calls us to lean on Him in complete humbleness, refrain from judgement, and know we are not in this alone.

Humbleness... all the looks I have given other parents replaying in my head... humbleness... thinking I had even a small part of parenting figured out... humbleness... eating so many of my words and thoughts...

Parenting-- what a humbling experience!

Filling buckets

I usually can't get a whole lot out of Emma about her school day. I get typical vagueness that I know most parents get-- "we did stuff" or "I played"-- definitely nothing of substance most of the time.  However, over a week ago I asked specifically about small chapel which is the bible story time that happens at the beginning of each day. The Pre K 3 and 4 classes have this time together and their teachers switch off teaching the lesson. The recent lesson really stuck with Emma and has been a sweet addition to our family conversations! 

Paraphrasing Emma: "Mom, we learned about filling each other's buckets today." "what's that mean Emma?" "Well mom it's like when I say loving words to you then I am filling your bucket and when I share a toy with Charlotte then I am filling her bucket."  Emma gave me several more examples but you get the just of it.  So as our weeks have gone along Emma continues to point out when we are filling each other's buckets or when we are dipping or spilling someone's bucket.  She likes to call us on the ropes but has a bit of a hard time when we hold her accountable-- typical little girl behavior! 

But all-in-all I love the concept! What a great challenge for all of us! Whose bucket have you filled today? Did you fill or spill someone's bucket? Are you even paying enough attention to realize?!  This lesson was a very powerful word picture for Emma and she has really taken it to heart so we have adopted it as a family as well. I appreciate her sweet teacher, Mrs. Licata, for teaching Emma about filling buckets. 

So, I say to you-- are you filling someone's bucket today?

Surgery Round 2- DING!

Yesterday was Sugery Round #2 and it went so very well! They had promised me that it was going to be much easier, much less pain, and much quicker both in surgery and recovery time--- AND boy were they right!  I am cautious to say that this is my "final/last" round of surgery because at the very beginning of this journey my doctors told me that by making this decision it will mean a lifetime of surgery-- possibly once every 10 years. But to quote my Emma who is almost 5, "Mom, but you did it so you don't get cancer and can be with me for a long time..."

We arrived at MD Anderson's outpatient surgical floor a bit before 10 am and they took me back to prep by 10:20 ish.  Apparently  I was on the operating table by 11:05 am.  I don't remember anything but closing my eyes as they wheeled me down the hall-- I was OUT and my 3.5 hour nap was beginning!  Next thing I knew I was waking up in recovery and I heard Duane's voice.  It was a pleasant waking up process unlike last surgery when I felt like I was dying from pain!  I was able to sit up pretty quickly, eat some crackers, and drink some juice.  I made a trip to the bathroom, came back to my "room" to get dressed and I was ready to go home! Never in a million years did I think that I was going to be ready to go that quickly!  I was home by dinner time!

This morning I was expecting to wake up with the unpleasant heaviness that I had during my first surgery but other than soreness-- I didn't feel much.  I am able to get in and out of bed by myself, use the restroom myself, make breakfast myself-- all of the things you take for granted until you can't do them any more!  Now the soreness is not comfortable but I think a majority of the soreness is coming from the spots where they did a little lipo-- yes-- mama got herself a little nip and tuck ;)  By tonight I will probably need stronger pain meds but today I have been able to maintain with just Motrin. 

So, I guess I will have to believe my doctor when she said I will be feeling almost back to normal in a little over a week... she's been right about everything so far!

Thank you for the prayers, meals, drop-in visitors, facebook posts, and precious get well soon cards from Emma's Pre-K 4 class! Everything helps to lift the spirits and take my mind off the pain!

All Grown Up :(

I know sometimes it is hard for others to tell but the picture on the left was taken this morning (2012) and the picture on the right was taken one year ago (2011).  How can they change so much in one year?!?! Emma started Pre K-4 today and while it was nice to have her occupied in educational fun today it occurred that life is just simply moving faster and faster and I have to really stop, take it in, and enjoy it.

Emma is still at a golden age: she thinks Duane and I are pretty awesome people, she still wants to marry her brother Mason, and live at home for the rest of her life.  And while in reality that is an RX for major dysfunction (lol) the point is we haven't lost her to the world yet! Now granted she will be five in September so I know I still have a few more years in this "golden period" but how quickly it will fly by...

So, here's to a new school year of soakin' it all in, lovin' every minute of watching her discover new things, and praising the Lord for giving me the privilege to be her mommy! I say it often because it's true-- I love this kid :)