Parenting

A very sweet, young, and newly-married friend posted something on Facebook today that made me think about several things.  Her status said, "This will probably offend people, but when did an iPad become the new babysitter?? Seriously irks me..."  I was not at all offended by her post but it did make me realize something about parenting that I have learned over the years-- Parenting is a HUMBLING experience!

Once upon a time I was an idealistic young bride...

(Prior to marriage Duane and I had talked about EVERYTHING in regards to raising our future kids. We talked about public vs private schooling, discipline, parenting styles, discipline, traditions we want/don't want to continue, girls vs boys, importance of God and church, and oh yeah... did I mention discipline!  We had a plan, a focus, we were going to be rockstars at this whole parenting thing! We were avid people watchers and vowed not to make the "same mistakes" that other people make...)

So the story continues and we became parents and things went well until Emma was about 18 months and suddenly developed her own sense of self, independence, and stubbornness!  We would go out to eat and all Duane and I wanted after a long day of child-rearing and work was to discuss our day and have a small "husband/wife" conversation.  We realized that day (and the many that followed) the impossibleness of that statement! I learned very quickly that dinner convo would roll something like this: "Today I... Stop Emma, chew your bread, good girl... um... (regain my thought process)... Today I.... Emma don't grab the drink sweetie, no, no... (look back at Duane) Today I was cleaning out the closet and... (Emma begins to fuss and whine because she is hungry so I begin to dig through the diaper bag for the snacks or a toy and try to finish my sentence) So I was cleaning out the closet and... and... and (at this point Duane is trying to keep Emma from climbing out of her highchair as she says dada, dada, dada and throwing her toys on the floor)... and what was I saying Duane?!?! AAAHHH! Chaos!  

So, what happens next?!?! I am about to chew crud and lots of it because I am about to become what I swore I would never become-- one of "those" parents, one of "those" people-- out comes the smart phone and it is quickly shoved in front of Emma to occupy her in hopes that Duane and I can at least get through one sentence and just scrape the surface of what our respective days looked like-- forget deep, thought-provoking, meaningful conversation!  And it works for about 5 minutes. I mean after all Emma is only 18 months and her 18 month old attention span kicks in and we are back to a dinner circus of keeping her entertained, attempting to connect as a husband and a wife, oh and eat at least a lukewarm meal (ya with me moms)!

So, dinner is just one example. Over my journey as a mom I have said things and done things that I swore I would never do and I have said and done things just like my mom did-- GASP! And more than a dozen times I have been brought to my knees realizing that this whole "parenting" thing is HARD!  I don't have it all figured out and regardless of how much we have talked about parenting and read books about parenting at the end of the day here is some truth: God gave 2 beautiful children to 2 completely imperfect people who He never expected to be perfect parents; however, He calls us to lean on Him in complete humbleness, refrain from judgement, and know we are not in this alone.

Humbleness... all the looks I have given other parents replaying in my head... humbleness... thinking I had even a small part of parenting figured out... humbleness... eating so many of my words and thoughts...

Parenting-- what a humbling experience!

Filling buckets

I usually can't get a whole lot out of Emma about her school day. I get typical vagueness that I know most parents get-- "we did stuff" or "I played"-- definitely nothing of substance most of the time.  However, over a week ago I asked specifically about small chapel which is the bible story time that happens at the beginning of each day. The Pre K 3 and 4 classes have this time together and their teachers switch off teaching the lesson. The recent lesson really stuck with Emma and has been a sweet addition to our family conversations! 

Paraphrasing Emma: "Mom, we learned about filling each other's buckets today." "what's that mean Emma?" "Well mom it's like when I say loving words to you then I am filling your bucket and when I share a toy with Charlotte then I am filling her bucket."  Emma gave me several more examples but you get the just of it.  So as our weeks have gone along Emma continues to point out when we are filling each other's buckets or when we are dipping or spilling someone's bucket.  She likes to call us on the ropes but has a bit of a hard time when we hold her accountable-- typical little girl behavior! 

But all-in-all I love the concept! What a great challenge for all of us! Whose bucket have you filled today? Did you fill or spill someone's bucket? Are you even paying enough attention to realize?!  This lesson was a very powerful word picture for Emma and she has really taken it to heart so we have adopted it as a family as well. I appreciate her sweet teacher, Mrs. Licata, for teaching Emma about filling buckets. 

So, I say to you-- are you filling someone's bucket today?

Surgery Round 2- DING!

Yesterday was Sugery Round #2 and it went so very well! They had promised me that it was going to be much easier, much less pain, and much quicker both in surgery and recovery time--- AND boy were they right!  I am cautious to say that this is my "final/last" round of surgery because at the very beginning of this journey my doctors told me that by making this decision it will mean a lifetime of surgery-- possibly once every 10 years. But to quote my Emma who is almost 5, "Mom, but you did it so you don't get cancer and can be with me for a long time..."

We arrived at MD Anderson's outpatient surgical floor a bit before 10 am and they took me back to prep by 10:20 ish.  Apparently  I was on the operating table by 11:05 am.  I don't remember anything but closing my eyes as they wheeled me down the hall-- I was OUT and my 3.5 hour nap was beginning!  Next thing I knew I was waking up in recovery and I heard Duane's voice.  It was a pleasant waking up process unlike last surgery when I felt like I was dying from pain!  I was able to sit up pretty quickly, eat some crackers, and drink some juice.  I made a trip to the bathroom, came back to my "room" to get dressed and I was ready to go home! Never in a million years did I think that I was going to be ready to go that quickly!  I was home by dinner time!

This morning I was expecting to wake up with the unpleasant heaviness that I had during my first surgery but other than soreness-- I didn't feel much.  I am able to get in and out of bed by myself, use the restroom myself, make breakfast myself-- all of the things you take for granted until you can't do them any more!  Now the soreness is not comfortable but I think a majority of the soreness is coming from the spots where they did a little lipo-- yes-- mama got herself a little nip and tuck ;)  By tonight I will probably need stronger pain meds but today I have been able to maintain with just Motrin. 

So, I guess I will have to believe my doctor when she said I will be feeling almost back to normal in a little over a week... she's been right about everything so far!

Thank you for the prayers, meals, drop-in visitors, facebook posts, and precious get well soon cards from Emma's Pre-K 4 class! Everything helps to lift the spirits and take my mind off the pain!

All Grown Up :(

I know sometimes it is hard for others to tell but the picture on the left was taken this morning (2012) and the picture on the right was taken one year ago (2011).  How can they change so much in one year?!?! Emma started Pre K-4 today and while it was nice to have her occupied in educational fun today it occurred that life is just simply moving faster and faster and I have to really stop, take it in, and enjoy it.

Emma is still at a golden age: she thinks Duane and I are pretty awesome people, she still wants to marry her brother Mason, and live at home for the rest of her life.  And while in reality that is an RX for major dysfunction (lol) the point is we haven't lost her to the world yet! Now granted she will be five in September so I know I still have a few more years in this "golden period" but how quickly it will fly by...

So, here's to a new school year of soakin' it all in, lovin' every minute of watching her discover new things, and praising the Lord for giving me the privilege to be her mommy! I say it often because it's true-- I love this kid :)

 



Meet "Bumble"

Yup, there he is-- Bumble! This isn't Mason's Halloween costume but he has fallen in love with it ever since he found it in the dress up box in the playroom... and it has been hard to pry it off of him ever since.

This is how our day goes:  Mason wakes up and it is a fight to put a new diaper on him but his eyes light up when he sees the bumble bee costume. He demands, in an oh-so-cute way, his bumble bee costume be put on and we tug, pull, and stretch it to get on him. Let's just say there is more Mason than there is bumble bee costume :)  And all we hear is "bumble, bumble, bumble" for the rest of the day!

This is how serious it gets:
*Mason responds to the name-- Bumble.
*He calls himself-- Bumble.
*He buzzes around like a-- Bumble :)

He allows us to take off the costume at meal times so it won't get dirty but then it is right back on! What blows my mind is how HOT the costume makes him and it doesn't seem to phase him. He is literally a sweating mess after playing in it all day! Such a SILLY Bumble-- uh-- I mean BOY!  I love this kid :)

What Emma taught me Sunday

This July our church was collecting new shoes to be donated to orphans all over the world.  My sweet Emma doesn't miss a beat and she kept faithfully reminding me that we needed to make our contribution towards this mission effort.  Sometimes I am on the ball with these types of things and sometimes life just gets in the way.  I was clearly letting life get in the way with this mission opportunity.  This past Sunday I went into a store to replenish some facial cleanser and makeup with Emma in tow.  Upon pulling in the parking lot Emma was very excited, "Mom, we can buy shoes at this store to put in the bin at church!" 

So, the first stop was the Clinique counter so I could get what I needed and in the middle of that task Emma needed to potty--- so pause the Clinique purchase! As we walked towards the back of the store we came upon the shoes. I told Emma we would hit those on the way back... momma just saw C-U-T-E sandals on sale!  She finished her necessary bathroom visit and we were onto the shoes.  My eyes like to browse the shoe section so Emma was quick to remind me: "Mom, we need to go to the KIDS section... the shoes are for KIDS..." So, we get to the kids shoe section and I looked for some pairs that were on sale that Emma could pick from.  The plan was to contribute one pair of shoes.  She finally picked one in her size because she wanted a child her age to have them. Mission accomplished... or so I thought!

Back to the makeup counter to finish that purchase and pay for the shoes.  The friendly girl helping me said, "Oh, did you know that the shoes are buy one, get one half off?" I did not know that but I liked the sound of that! So as we are walking back to the shoe section, for a split second my selfish mind began thinking, "Momma is getting a pair of shoes half off-- yay!" And it was only a split second because Emma excitedly said, "MOM! Now we can donate 2 pairs of shoes to help 2 kids!"  The look on her face was so priceless.

Now I know all kids have a selfish streak. Emma still struggles in the sharing department but for the most part a child's heart is filled with overwhelming kindness-- the kind of kindness that tends to fade as we get older and we develop such a "me" mentality or just plain harden our hearts toward the world. Emma picked out a second pair of shoes to donate and we finally finished that very long transaction.  I have to say that I was so proud of Emma. She could have easily asked for a pair of shoes for herself but her heart was certainly right where it was suppose to be-- shining brightly for Jesus and reminding me to shine my light brighter.  I love this kid :)

Dropping off her donations at church today

The Second Round

Well folks we have a second (and somewhat final) surgery date scheduled!  Tuesday, September 4th will be my surgery "exchange".  This surgery is suppose to be out-patient with no hospital stay if all goes well. I am completely nervous about that detail! I don't enjoy hospital stays but I can't imagine having surgery and going home the same day. The "exchange" is just as it sounds-- my plastic surgeon is going to go back in (hopefully with a slightly smaller incision) and take out my expander implants and put in my permanent implants thus making an exchange. I am very excited about this part! And no more doctor's appointments until pre-op-- YAY!

My expanders have been my enemy since I woke up from my mastectomy 7 weeks ago but now I am actually used to them. I guess it's like anything else you forget how it was before especially when you know you can never go back to the way things were. They have become a part of the new me :)  I don't wake up feeling like I have an elephant on my chest any more.  As I go throughout my day I am aware that things are not "normal" but sometimes I just plain forget!  I am looking forward to having a somewhat more natural feeling "up top" though and getting back to sleeping on my side and tummy.

The human body is truly a work of the Lord-- just AMAZING! My scars are vanishing more and more everyday, my body is used to my thousand pound chest, and I am getting stronger everyday.  I am even picking up Mason a little more everyday.  I have returned to driving even though it is a bit painful-- mainly because the seat belt bothers me.  The body's healing ability is quite humbling indeed. PRAISE!

I can't stop thanking everyone for their support through prayer, meals, transportation (a few weeks ago), child care situations, and just calling, texting, and sending me facebook messages! I love you all and your kindness has been overwhelming.  THANK YOU!