Reconstructing Erica

This post is about boobs and for some that is uncomfortable to talk about or read about so hit "close" now and I will never know :)

Yesterday (Wednesday) I met with my plastic surgeon who will be performing my reconstruction following my double mastectomy on June 5th.  I had done minimal research on the different options but I did have a fairly general idea of what we were going to go over and I had talked to several people about their experiences with reconstruction.  So I went into my appointment pretty sure I knew the road that I wanted to go down.  I came out however with a completely different plan of action and while that very abrupt change was a little emotional for me I am VERY much at peace with my decision and I know that it is the best LIFESTYLE decision for me at this point.  Let's get down to details friends:

Two basic options for people who need to reconstruct their breasts: implants (silicone or saline) or a TRAM Flap.  There are a few different types of TRAM flaps but for the purpose of this blog I am going to lump them all into a general bucket and call it the TRAM flap.  There are pros and cons to both kinds of reconstruction.  Implants have a quicker recovery time and surgical time but the process of getting to the final result-- which is your actual set of boobs "installed" you-- is done over time (generally 3 months or so).  You can also pick the size breasts you want within reason.  MD Anderson WILL NOT make you look like Pamela Anderson ladies :) There is still lots of pain, soreness, limited mobility at first, yada, yada, yada...  The TRAM flap is the kind that is growing in popularity.  It is where they use YOUR tissue from YOUR body to recreate breasts on you.  They generally use your belly tissue although it is possible to use tissue from your butt and back to make it happen.  It is a more "major" surgery because not only do they operate on your breasts but they are operating on your abdomen as well.   And for ladies who have had c-sections-- we are talking much more invasive than that!  It is even more invasive than a tummy tuck because they have to re-route a vein and an artery to supply blood to your new "breast" tissue. There is a greater (although still small) chance of infection, obviously more wounds to care for, and a longer healing process; however, I receive the a final product (my boobs) immediately.  This type of surgery is much longer-- approx 12 hours.  It has been coined the "Tummy Tuck Reconstruction". 

So who wouldn't L-O-V-E a tummy tuck?  Seems like an easy, no-brainer decision huh?!  Well, it is never that simple is it and while I walked into my appointment pretty sure that that is the way I wanted to go...  I have elected to have implant reconstruction and let me explain my decision.

• Reason #1: I am a 28 year old mom of a 4 1/2 year old and 19 month old.  My plastic surgeon said one phrase that rocked my world, "After you are completely healed from your TRAM flap surgery you CAN NOT pick up anything over 25 pounds without risk of an abdominal hernia or bulge".  For those who don't see my 19 month old often he is almost 30 pounds.  I can not imagine never lifting my baby again and I know he won't be a baby forever but I still pick up my 4 1/2 year old as well! That is TOO much of a mommy function and I know that I would end up harming my incision and it would result in unfavorable results. 
• Reason #2:  This reason is more superficial but a reality.  I was told I did not have enough belly tissue and/or back tissue to reconstruct to the size I wanted :(  Probably the only time in my life I was sad that someone said I was too lean... and probably the only time someone will tell me I am too lean! LOL!  As you know I am not a small-chested person and while my desire is to go down a size or two they are not confident enough without cutting me open to know if I have enough tissue to create the size I want.  And I have to believe them!  They are professionals that know what a body needs to look like, they know what adequate tissue looks like, and they do this ALL DAY LONG.  If they are not sure then I am not going to risk being unhappy with the result.  They quickly said that they can always supplement my belly tissue with an implant but why go through all that extra pain and recovery when in the end they needed to use an implant anyway.  If I am electing to have this procedure I need to know that the end result will make me happy or why do it?!
• Reason #3 (or really just a neat fact):  Since they use belly/body tissue your reconstruction can gain and lose weight just like the part of your body they look it from SO if you are a person who loses weight from their tummy areas when you work out you will now be a person who loses weight from their boobs!  I happen to be the person who can lose weight pretty easily from my belly.  Usually through diet and exercise I lose my weight from my belly, face, and hips first.   Currently with my breast tissue I never lose weight in my breasts (not even after breast feeding ladies!) but if I chose the TRAM flap I would lose my fat tissue from there now.  Crazy fact huh?!  So... I can't risk getting smaller than expected results and then possibly losing them through exercise anyway!

I know for many of you this was TOO MUCH INFORMATION! But I believe that knowledge is power and some of the facts are just kind of neat.  You never know when you might be on Jeopardy and the category is Breast Reconstruction ;)

So implants it is!  Another thing to know is because I am so young they told me that I will have multiple surgeries as maintenance over my lifetime.  Who knows what they (my breasts) will look like in 20 years and the implant companies recommend getting new ones every 10 years anyway so they wanted to caution me that this is not a one time thing.  I have to mentally be in this for a lifetime.  They also said that in 20 years if I want to come back and have a TRAM flap done because I am done lifting kids, weight is harder to keep off as we age, etc that I can elect to take the implants out and do the "tummy tuck" version.  So my decision is somewhat temporary and they are willing to work with me to ensure that I am happy with my body for LIFE-- not just the months following my surgery.  It is so nice to know that I have advocates in the medical field!

So that will be my next step! I am praying for a speedy recovery because I have too much left to accomplish in 2012-- can I get an AMEN! :)

Remembering when...

There are a zillion things I need to be doing right now such as working, returning emails, TAXES! LOL! But I needed to blog so here it is!

Feeling domestic this morning I had planned on making banana bread. I was pretty sure I had all the ingredients so after a few quick errands this morning I went to it.  I start to it and pretty quickly realize that this must be divine banana bread-- I had just enough flour, just enough sugar, and just enough oil to pull off the recipe.  It takes lots of stirring and lots of muscle to pull it all together so as I am stirring away my mind starting drifting back to the days of yester-year. No too far back... just the newly married years. Remember those?

For me that time is only a mere 8 years ago so I am not travelling too far back but when I think about me then and me now-- well it might as well have been centuries ago!  I remember lounging on the couch in our first apartment.  Duane was a Chick-fil-A owner by this point and we had our first store in Beaumont, Texas.  It was located inside a mall so his hours were a little different.  The mall didn't open officially until 10 AM so I would leisurely get up, relax on the couch, eventually get ready for work, etc.  Ahhh....  I also baked and cooked a lot more (may seem odd but it's true!).  As I was laying around on the couch I would flip through channels like the Food Network and TLC.  I would go online and search for the recipe that the Barefoot Contessa was making and plan it for dinner.  I would watch a Baby Story or two on TLC and dream about having a baby someday... when we were ready (such a silly phrase right-- who is every ready?!)

In the middle of my daydream into yester-year, I was flung back into reality when Mason began throwing Tupperware on the ground and emptying his sippy cup drawer onto the ground for the fourth time today.  BANG! BANG! PLOP!  So, I chuckled a bit.  WOW Erica that was your life and in 8 short years it looks very different! And not just a little different... astronomically different! Is it better?  Is it worse?  I don't think that you can even compare one to the other and I bet most moms would say the same thing.  I've traded TLC's Baby Story for two amazing kids with sticky hands, screaming voices, and runny noses.  I've traded a small, quaint apartment for a beautiful home with LOTS of bathrooms to clean and a yard to maintain. I've traded Food Network for "It's Whatever You Find In The Fridge" Nights or "I'll have Daddy bring home CFA... again" :) 

After the Tupperware fiasco I put Mason down for his afternoon nap, put the banana bread in the oven, and just for kicks I turned on the TV.  Calliou came blaring from the TV as I went searching for TLC.  It took me 5 minutes to even find it (it use to be on speed dial) and wouldn't you know... a Baby Story was on.

It's in the genes, baby!

Our genes make us who we are. They tell us we have brown hair and blue eyes. They tell us whether we are short or tall. Within the last decade they have been able to also tell us whether we have genes linked to cancer. The research is absolutely amazing. What an amazing gift God has given those scientist to be able to make those discoveries! However, when you sit across from you OB-GYN and she tells you that you are BRCA-1 positive for a very split second you think, "Darn you science for being so advanced!"

So, let's back up because I have been keeping a small secret from many people and now that I have a plan I would like all my friends to be informed-- to both pray for me and encourage all woman to take charge of their health as well.

After a friendly push from my OB-GYN at my yearly check-up in November 2011 I elected to have the BRCA genetic testing. It tests for BRCA 1 and 2 which are now know as the breast cancer genes. THESE GENES DON'T MEAN THAT THE CARRIER HAS BREAST CANCER. The genes simply significantly increase your chance of developing breast cancer in your lifetime. By significantly I mean up to an 80% chance that I will diagnosed in my lifetime! So, I am BRCA-1 positive. I have the "breast cancer" gene. I am 28 years old, a wife, and mother of two small kids. So after I blamed science for being so advanced my second reaction was "Lets beat this thing!" and so starts my journey...

I contacted MD Anderson and they immediately accepted me as a patient, I received genetic counseling, and my whirlwind of tests and procedures began. Since December 2011 I have had my first mammogram, multiple breast ultrasounds, ovarian ultrasounds, and blood tests. I've been picked, prodded, and felt up so many times it is ridiculous but all with good intention! I made the decision in February 2012 to met with my cancer doctor (yes they assign you a cancer doctor without cancer... in my opinion that's how inevitable it is...) and discuss my real options to really beat this-- not just keep having tests until they find something one day. They are truly all about saving people's lives at MD Anderson and have been completely supportive of my decision to have a double mastectomy and reconstruction.

Yikes! Why so extreme you ask? Surgery to remove my breast tissue is the ONLY way to almost guarantee (95% chance) that I will never have to deal with breast cancer. There are no guarantees in life but what a change going from an 80% chance of developing breast cancer to a 95% chance of NEVER developing breast cancer. I feel it was a pretty simple decision! So my double mastectomy (removal of both breasts tissue) and reconstruction will take place this summer-- June 5th-- with a possible 2 month recovery time depending on a few minor decisions that haven't been made yet.

I can't lie and act like there is no emotion involved with it. Back in November when I first found out I had a few pretty dark days. Days of "why me... why me!" but that quickly came to an end when I began my appointments in the Mays Breast Clinic and began witnessing real women with breast cancer fighting the real fight in such a strong way. Naturally it also made me never want to have to fight that fight. God has equipped me with the knowledge of this gene for a reason and while we sometimes do not know every detail of His plan I want to use this information to protect myself, my family, and inspire other woman to do the same thing!

And it might be working. My aunt (breast cancer survivor extradanaire) and myself ironically had the BRCA testing done on the same day. It was shocking and a little weird when we found that out actually. Since then my mom and grandma(breast cancer survivor) have been tested. We are all BRCA gene carriers. They don't call it your genetics for nothing! Now we are 4 women with so much power! There is a 50/50 chance that I passed this gene on to my kids-- Emma and Mason. When they reach 18 they will both go into high-risk pools and begin receiving insurance supported testing to make sure that nothing surprises them. You may think why does Mason need to worry. Well, males can get breast cancer but more importantly if Mason has a baby girl one day he must be able to educate her as well! One interesting fact I learned: once a baby is out of the womb most genectic testing can't be done until they are 18 and at the age of consent.

I am so very thankful for my very supportive, amazing husband who has been my best cheerleader through the last 4 months. I'm thankful for family, friends, for prayers, for my phenomenal insurance company that has footed the majority of all costs thus far. I'm thankful for my doctors and whole team at MD Anderson.

So now you know! Don't be afraid to ask me about it. I would be honored to tell you my story, encourage you to take charge of your health, or answer any burning questions you have. These procedures are becoming more common as insurance companies have learned that they would rather help me pay for permenent prevention then years of testing and chemo, radiation, etc when I am diagnosed. So I am counting down the days and nerves are building. Please pray for my kids. I know they are going to take this the hardest but one day they will know it was all for them :)

Wednesday Morning Conviction!

I receive a short daily encouragement/challenge from a group called iMOM.  Check them out on Facebook if you have a chance.  Anyway, this morning my Daily Expresso Minute was a little convicting but I liked it and wanted to share! Please see below:

How Moms Make Dads Feel Like Losers
My kids played at my friend’s house last week.  She was out of town, so her husband was in charge.  When my children came home they were each holding a container of ice cream and told me they had just eaten a couple of candy bars.  My son’s feet were filthy from playing outside barefoot.  They had a blast. 
Of course, if the mom had been home, there would’ve been fewer snacks and no barefoot activity.  My daughter noticed the difference, “Dads just give you more stuff and let you do more things.”  How right she is.
As a mom, do you give your husband the encouragement and latitude to parent in the way he sees fit, or do you make him feel like a loser because it’s not how you do it?  A man’s instincts are going to cause him to approach parenting differently, and that’s a good thing.

A supporting article on the topic was 5 Reasons to Let Dad Take Care of the Kids--

It may be natural for moms to rush to meet every need their kids have. We’re nurturers by nature, after all. But dads have a lot to offer in all phases of parenting, too. Take a look at these reasons to let dad handle the kids more.

1. Dads play differently. Dads are more likely to startle children and get them excited, and like to rough-house more than moms. Both of these types of play are beneficial in building a child’s self-confidence and willingness to take risks, according to recent research. (Cambridge University)

2. Dads communicate differently. Studies show that dads are less indulgent with the nonverbal cues, crying and whining. Fathers tend to challenge younger children to use words more to express themselves, increasing the cognitive abilities of children as young as two. (Cambridge University)

3. Dads challenge, moms calm. There are exceptions to every rule, but generally speaking, moms react to stress in their children by trying to calm them and ease the stress, while dads may more naturally react by encouraging their kids to overcome the problem, or rise to the occasion. Both are important facets of building confident, capable kids.

4. Dads develop secure daughters. It’s a fact that girls who have a strong relationship with their fathers are less likely to be sexually active as teens than those who don’t. Girls gain confidence from the dad-daughter relationship that leaves them less hungry for the attention of boys, and less vulnerable. (Journal of Marriage and Family, 1994)

5.  Dads appreciate moms’ trust. The respect and trust that you show for your husband when you turn over the parenting reigns can improve your marriage, as well. Couples who cooperate together learn to value one another and spouses and parents, and have a stronger relationship overall.

I hope you were encouraged or challenged like I was. We-- or I--all need a reminder every now and again :) 

I'm the best!

I think at one time or another all of our kids have championed the "putting off bedtime with a million questions and/or requests" routine. Emma is pretty good at it and I try my hardest not to get upset even though I am past ready for her to be asleep. When I feel the annoyance bubbling up in me I remember something someone much wiser than me once said, "One day she won't want you to tuck her in, carry her in a parking lot, or even hug you in public-- enjoy it now!"

So, I mustered up one last "Yes, Emma?" as I put her to bed tonight and here is what I heard, "Mom, you and Dad are really the best parents." WOW! I was floored... I almost started to cry but I temporarily composed myself, went back to her side, gave her a big 'ole kiss, and said goodnight. Of course I strutted down the hallway back to my room... I mean that's what one of "the best parents" would do, right?

:)

Broken Resolutions :(

So... 2012 started out like many other years with broken resolutions after the first week!

My "resolution" this year was to blog at least once a week and it is now Monday of the SECOND week of January and I am just now writing my first blog-- and it is sadly about my broken resolution about blogging! Story of my life my friends!

I hope you are having better luck with yours. Did you make a resolution this year?

Johnston Christmas Letter 2011

So, I've never written one of these so don't get your hopes up! But here we go-- an attempt to sum up all the ups, downs, and crazy ins and outs of 2011 in 4 or 5 short paragraphs :)

Duane continues to be a success with our small chicken business! Of course he has surrounded himself with great people to help him succeed and he loves what he does now more than ever before. Duane made a decision to begin helping with the high school youth group at church this summer. He attended Beach Retreat and it was...um... out of his comfort zone to say the least but he loved it. This fall he signed up to lead a Collision Group that meets on Wednesday nights. The bible study group is made up of 11th grade guys and he is challenged every week :)

I (Erica) continue to help Duane market our business. I have so much fun planning events and keeping up with our community. I jumped head first into volunteering at Emma's new school and I have enjoyed being involved and meeting new people! The first half of 2011 I was wrapped up in "newborn" world.  The second half of 2011 I managed to finish a few DIY home projects, teach VBS, survive a roadtrip with the kids, and embraced being a taxi driver for my kiddos social calendar. Let's face it: I'm a MOM- 'nuff said :) 

Emma is a 14 year old trapped in a 4 year old body most days! Her spunk and confidence has served her well in her first year of pre-school. She is enrolled at Holy Trinity Episcopal School, a local private school, in the Pre-K 3 program. She has been awarded the Classroom Leadership Award, is learning to spell, write her last name, simple math, Spanish, and learned "Duck, Duck, Goose" in P.E.  She is truly something special! Emma conquered riding her bike earlier this year, saved up to buy her trampoline with garage sale money, and ice-skated for the first time. She has also been a great big sister to her brother.

Mason's first full year of life was full of firsts! First word: Dada. First tooth: 4 months. First chicken nugget: 7 months. First steps: 14 months. Now he is walking, babbling, throwing fits, and CLIMBING on EVERYTHING! Everyone was right-- boys are a different breed of human-- but they are so snuggly! We had some health concerns with Mason this year and after many, many appointments at Texas Children's Hospital (and lots of prayer) he seems to be perfectly healthy. Mason loves being outside, climbing the Chick-fil-A playground, and LOVES tamales, apples, and bread baskets :)

We are looking forward to a FUN, HEALTHY, and FANTASTIC 2012!

Merry Christmas <3
The Johnstons